Celery Stick
by toesnail
Summary: Challenge fic: A Oneshot you request, associated with an object you choose (explanation inside),,
1. Kyman - Celery

**HI**

so basicaaallly, how this goes is that you **request** **your** pairing and the object you'd like your oneshot to associate with. I haven't seen this been done before and i dunno how good or bad this will become, so I'd thought I'd try it out and stuffs

(i will change the title when i think of something more related) 

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><p><strong>Pairing: Kyman<strong>

**Object: Celery**

"What the fuck is this?" Cartman frowned at the long vegetable he held in his hand.

"It's a celery stick." His Jewish rival, who was sitting opposite, muttered through his can of diet cola.

"A what?"

Kyle blinked, placing his refreshment on the cafeteria table. "A celery stick."

Cartman eyed the green vegetable in disgust, obviously alien to his knowing of foods. The redhead across from him rolled his eyes and took the stick from the brunette's grasp.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of celery before?" The last word ended with a crunch, as Kyle bite down hard on the celery, taking a considerably large bite from it. His munching lingered through Cartman's ears as the half eaten vegetable was placed back into his palm. He watched Kyle's jaw chew up and down numerous times, before deciding that he wasn't really that hungry in the first place.

The redhead pulled his can up to his lips again, only to take another gulp of soda. He moved his emerald eyes to the tray that was momentarily being pushed to the side.

"Diet not going so well then, huh?"

"Shut up, Jew."

"Look, eating healthy shit isn't all bad. You just gotta look at the good points."

"There is nothing good about.." Cartman gestured to the abandoned vegetable on the tray beside him, "Well, whatever the fuck that is."

"Sure there is." Kyle moved to pick up the celery stick. He rolled it around in his palms, trying to think of a way to make the tasteless green more exciting to eat. "Okay, well.. for starters, it's minus two calories."

"So?"

"So.. you're burning fat just by chewing it."

"Ey!" The brunette snapped. "I'm not fat! I'm simply.. festively plump."

Kyle scoffed, knowing that it was only March. "Whatever." He continued, "It's also tasteless, so there's no need to complain about how much you can taste the herb in the plant."

He took a second bite from the stick, though this was a slightly smaller chunk. The redhead shrugged at the perplexed look Cartman was giving him. "It's just a fucking vegetable, dude. No big deal." He swallowed, handing the celery back to him. The brunette hesitantly took it and brought it up to his mouth.

"Yeah, no big deal for you." He muttered, "I bet you got the taste for it, 'cause you shove it up your ass every night."

"Just fucking eat it, you pussy."

"Hey, fuck you." He lamely retorted, but placed his lips on the side of the stick anyway. Already regretting what he was doing, he slowly opened his mouth and clamped the side of it. He sunk his teeth into the green produce and pulled away the smallest piece possible. With slow grinding, his slightly plump face twisted from curious to repulsed in a matter of seconds. He resisted the urge to splutter up the stringy green and instead, swallowed hastily.

Kyle watched the event with a raised eyebrow, not at all surprised by the outcome. "So..?"

Cartman glanced at the celery stick one last time, before dropping it onto the plastic tray in front of him. He, once again, pushed it aside and stood up from his seat. "I'm getting some fries."

Kyle sniggered as the brunette dumped the contents into the trash and leave to find something more appetizing.

Just as he left, his two friends arrived at the table, joining Kyle for their hour long lunch break. The blond jumped into the spot Cartman had just sat in, while his best friend sat beside him. With the flustered look on Stan's face, Kyle knew this was going to be another normal day at school.

"Man, Wendy is such a bitch!"


	2. Style - Diabetes

**For Little White Comet, thanks for pointing that awkward mistake out haha  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Pairing: Style<strong>

** Object: Diabetes**

"No, it's cool, I got it."

"You sure, Ike?"

"Uh.." Ike moaned at the unpleasant feeling the needle in his arm was giving him. "Yeah."

A very pale looking Stan groaned as he watched the liquid in the needle squeeze into Ike's creamy skin. Kyle noticed this and placed a hand on the raven's back, rubbing comforting circles with his palm.

"It's okay, dude. It doesn't hurt that much, does it, Ike?"

His brother scoffed a reply and slid the prick from his arm, retreating it to it's box.

"I.. I think I'm gonna vom." Stan rose his arm and gagged into his hand. He wasn't very good with these sorts of things.

"Mm. It's not so bad." The smaller raven shrugged, clapping the insulin box shut. "It's just effort to do it twice a day."

"No way is sticking a big fat knife in your arm 'not so bad.' It's fucking disgusting."

"Not really. I've been doing it since I was six."

The taller raven wasn't convinced and turned his nose up at the thought of it. He really hated needles. "Gross."

"Kyle, is he always such a pussy?" He chuckled, jumping off the kitchen counter. Stan protested at the insult, but was ignored by Ike as he trotted out of the room, taking the medical box with him.

Kyle looked at his friend, amused by the flustered expression he held on his face.

"You really aren't gonna' survive the injection tomorrow, are you?"

"Shit.." He sighed, sliding a hand through his thick black hair. "You know what? I think I might just skip it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've decided that dying is probably better than getting stabbed in the arm."

The redhead sniggered at his friend's comment. He was thinking way too much into this. "Dude, you're not gonna die. Your immune system just wont recognise the HepB virus if it ever comes through."

"Oh." Stan processed this information, taking a couple of seconds to realize what that meant. "Wait, so you're saying I _wont_ die if I don't get this done?"

"Yeah."

The raven exhaled in relief, turning his confused expression into a relaxed one. "Awesome! God, I feel so much better now."

"I still think you should have it done though."

"I know, but I think I'd rather save the humiliation of barfing everywhere."

"Fair enough. What are you gonna say to your mom?"

He shrugged. "I'll probably just fake it and say that I had it done."

"Think she's stupid enough to believe that?"

Both Kyle and Stan blinked at each other, before both saying in unison, "Yeah."


	3. Creek - Scarf

**For Guest - IT'S ALWAYS GOTTA BE MA LEAST FAV PAIRINGS, DOESN'T IT**

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><p><strong>Pairing: Creek<strong>

**Object: Scarf**

"It's not even that cold out."

"It's fucking freezing, man!" A nervous Tweek shakily spoke, arms wrapped around himself. "I think my feet are getting frostbite!"

Craig rolled his eyes, sighed, and then stood from the swing he was currently chilling on. He lifted up his right foot and kicked off his shoe, and then proceeded with the left one. "Take off your shoes."

Tweek observed Craig's feet with wide eyes, not really sure what he was doing or why, for that matter. "..Are we swapping shoes?"

"Yeah. Your shoes have holes in. Probably why your feet are cold."

"But my feet are smaller than yours. You wont fit into them?"

"Then I'll go without," Craig shook the pair of converse he had hooked on his fingers, gesturing for his twitchy friend to take them.

"But your feet will get cold!"

"I have socks on, I'll be fine. Promise."

Tweek's left eye twitched. He still wasn't entirely sure he should let his friend go without a pair of shoes. But he knew how stubborn Craig was and didn't want to piss him off any more than he already was. He took the pair from the onyx's hands and pushed out of his own shoes. To prevent the cool breeze getting to his feet any more, he easily slipped into the - three sizes too big - set of shoes. Craig's feet must have been on fire, because the soles of Tweek's new shoes seemed to be the cure for the toe freezing.

"Thanks, Craig."

The other mumbled a short reply, before shoving his hands into his jean pockets. Tweek noticed Craig's red nose and rosy cheeks and unwrapped the yellow scarf he wore around his neck. He held it loosely in his palms until he finally decided that Craig probably needed it more, despite him declaring that 'it isn't even that cold' outside. He pushed up from the swing and held his arms out. The raven eyed it, knowing that this was the scarf that Tweek religiously wore.

"You have it. I'm fine."

"Take it," The blond insisted, pushing the material into the other's chest.

"I don't want it."

"But you'll feel good with it-"

"I don't want it."

"Just take-"

"I don't want it."

Tweek growled anxiously, pushing his hands further into Craig, causing him to stumble back a step or two. "Please! Just take it!"

The raven huffed in annoyance, but eventually picked up the yellow fabric from Tweek's palms. The blond relieved a sigh and watched patiently for his friend to put it on.

"God, you're annoying when you do this." Craig muttered as he wrapped the piece of clothing around his neck. In all honesty, he didn't feel any different with it on, but he didn't want his friend to feel disheartened. It was a nice gesture after all.

The blond stared at the other, waiting for his approval. "Feels great." Craig reassured, which seemed to lighten up Tweek's sheepish smile into a pleased one.

"Come on. Clyde and Token are waiting for us."

Tweek nodded and trailed behind Craig as they left the park.


	4. Bunny - Cheerleading

**For .SP**  
><strong>-this isn't really an object-object, but it's like an objective, so it still works woop, even though i hate this pairing:')<strong>

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><p><strong>Pairing: Bunny<strong>

**Object: Cheerleading**

Kenny sat cross-legged in a white garden chair, his knees sticking in what looked like, a very uncomfortable angle. He was sitting in the Stotch's backyard, patiently waiting for his smaller friend to return in a new set of clothing. He had recently told Kenny that he picked out a wonderful sport to take up and wanted to show him his new outfit. Little did Kenny know, he was going to be getting more than he bargained for.

As Butters returned, Kenny was taken back by the sight of his friend. It was more than necessary to proceed in taking a double take, just in case he wasn't seeing things. There Butters was, standing with thigh-high red shorts and a fitted patterned t-shirt to go with it. Kenny nearly choked on his on saliva at first, not believing that this _wasn't_ a joke. It had to be. Now way was this his outfit.

He glanced down at the smaller blond's body, taking in the small detailed logos of _GO COWS CHEERLEADING SQUAD - SPHIGH_ that were spread around the uniform. Judging by the look on Butters' face, this was genuine. He actually went ahead and joined the cheerleading squad.

"No. Way." Kenny spoke, emphasizing each individual word.

"What do you think?"

The taller blond thought for a moment, trying to put what he was honestly thinking into the right terms. Instead of lying, he decided on subtly dodging the question. "Dude, I can totally see your ass cheeks from here."

"You said you wanted to see my mascot outfit!"

"If I'm honest, when y' said mascot, I thought it was gon' be one of those cow costumes that the school provides."

Butters' eyelids lowered, beginning to feel slightly stupid in his new clothing. Kenny realized that maybe that wasn't the best choice of words and quickly recovered, "But this is totally unexpected. And that's good. It's.." He circled his hand in mid-air for a second or two. "Differen'."

"Different?"

"..Yeah, differen'! 'Cause differen' is good, right?"

The blond shuffled on his feet slightly, bringing his eyes towards the grass below him. "Eric always told me that being different meant that I was special."

"Exactly! See, I told you everythin' that comes out of his mouth isn't all bullshit and retarded as-"

"Special needs."

"Oh." Kenny blinked, not really knowing what else to say to that. After an awkward moment of silence, he jumped out of his seat and pointed towards the fitted shorts, aiming to change the subject. "But, seriously, dude. Those shorts. I would never be able to pull _them_ off."

"You wouldn't?"

Kenny titled his head to the side an examined them. "I lied. Of course I fuckin' could. But they look totally good on you."

"Really?!"

"Yeah! Turn 'round a sec."

Butters didn't have time to think about why and did as requested. He didn't catch on until he heard a wolf whistle being heard from behind him.

"Sweet." Kenny droned, his voice merely a whisper. As soon as the smaller blond realized what his friend was doing, he immediately spun round to face him, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

Kenny chuckled at the uncomfortable look on Butters' face and shuffled towards him. He gave a good hard slap to his friend's shoulder, before leaning down and whispering into his small ear, "You look fuckin' great."  
>And with that, he pulled away, shoving his hands in his pockets. Butters couldn't find the words to say anything, because he was more than overwhelmed at the compliment he just received. It wasn't often that he got praised in the way he looked or for something he did.<p>

"Anyways. I needa' go. Got shit to sort out." The taller blond made his way to the garden gate and opened it hastily. He shot his friend one last glance, before waving his farewell. "Catch'ya later, hot legs!"

God, he was such a flirt. 

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><p><strong>i always like to give kenny some sort of accent. i believe it matches his personality, right? <strong>


	5. Candy - Quadruple-stuffed Oreos

**For IcedFireFrenzy  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Paring: Candy<strong>

**Object: Quadruple-stuffed Oreos**

"Sup, bitch."

Wendy failed to hear the insult, due to her music beaming loud through her headphones. Her head was buried in her text book, lost in the world of history. Of course, Cartman had also taken up the same subject, so on some occasions, they unfortunately found each other in the history section of the library. This was one of those occasions.

"Uh, hello? I just called you a bitch." He tossed his bag onto the table, which startled Wendy, causing her to look up from her book. Realizing who it was that just distracted her from her hardcore revision, she frowned - an annoyed look appearing across her face.

"Do you mind?" She snapped, picking a headphone from her ear.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

"What do you want, Cartman?" She deadpanned, while the brunette took a seat opposite her.

"As much as I totally hate to distract you from your self-learning, I see that you have a certain snack in possession, which I may have to take off you."

Wendy rose an eyebrow, not catching on from what he was blabbering about.

"..Look to your left."

She shifted her eyes to the left of her papers, only to see the packet of quadruple-stuffed Oreos she was halfway through munching on. Agreed by the pair of them, these snacks were the best thing in the whole entire world. It was the only thing they ever agreed on.

"Oh. Yeah, they're makeshift. Darn stores never sell them." She eventually spoke, offering one to Cartman, who grabbed more than a generous amount. Not that she particularly minded. Whenever she brought them to school with her, he always knew she had them. It was like he could smell them as soon as she walked through those school gates. Cartman could pick up the scent of food, like he was a dog. It was, you could say, a gift he had the privilege in having.

"Sweet. How's the assignment going?" He asked, biting into the cookie.

"Okay, I suppose. I'm still trying to get my head around the works of European history. I'm fine with American history, just not Europe. So many wars to learn about."

"European history?" Cartman scoffed, "Are you kidding? That's the best bit! Who fucking cares about our pussy presidents, Europe is where all the power and revolution lies."

Wendy sighed, knowing how hard she was finding this. "Well what are you doing your paper on?"

"Isn't it obvious? World War Two. Duh."

"Should have known."

The brunette twisted his second Oreo carefully, trying not to cause a crack between the biscuit. "What are you doing yours on, The Roman Empire?"

"No, the Seven Years' War."

Cartman nodded, gesturing for her to continue, as he was too busy scraping the fluffy substance off the Oreo with his teeth.

"Like, I totally understand the beginning of what happened and the theory behind it all, I just can't think of enough points to include in the six thousand word essay. There's not enough relevant evidence to support my answer."

"Wait," He swallowed. "Why are you doing something that you know fuck all about?"

"I wanted to do something different. The Roman Empire is all I know about and it's all I ever seem to do. I'm kinda bored of it."

"So? If it's something you know a lot of, you might as well. Probably will get a better mark too."

She stressfully sighed, dropping her head into her hands. "This is killing me."

"Sucks." Cartman said bluntly. He shoved the last of his cookie into his mouth, before diving into the next one.

"Yeah. It does."

There was a moment of silence between the two, the sound of closed mouth chewing being the only filler in the area they were sat in. Wendy was just about to return to her work, but the sound of Cartman's voice caught her off guard.

"So. How's Stan?"

She hesitantly looked up and briefly met the brunette's gaze, before he turned back to his half eaten biscuit. "How should I know? We haven't spoken in about two weeks now."

Cartman smirked into the round snack, acknowledging this information. Wendy continued, "I mean, I've tried calling him, but he seems so caught up in football."

"Uh-huh."

"And it's like, whenever I try and talk to him face-to-face, he doesn't wanna know! He's really distanced himself from me."

"Mm."

"I know that I said we needed to distance ourselves, but I thought he would at least still hang out with me. But he doesn't even want to look at me! We used to have so much fun together. Sure, we broke up now and then, but we still had fun! I mean, it would have been nicer if he didn't hang out with Kyle so much, but it was still- are you even listening to me?"

Cartman was looking down in his lap, fiddling with his phone. He hadn't acknowledged a thing Wendy had just said. He wasn't expecting her to go _that_ much into detail.

"Cartman!"

The brunette jumped at the pitch of her voice and snapped his attention towards her annoyed expression. "Sorry, what?"

"Oh, fuck you! I'm so done with guys!" She slammed her hands on the desk and pushed herself up from her seat. She scooped up her papers and books into her bag and threw it over her shoulder. Cartman stared blankly at the last thing she was next to pick up.

"Can I..?" He begun, not able to finish his sentence.

"Whatever, sure. See you in class."

The brunette smirked and grabbed the packet of makeshift quadruple-stuffed Oreos. There were only two left, but he endured every moment of what was left. It was when he was settling on the last cookie, where he began to think about why Wendy actually shared her food with him. It was never vice-versa. Cartman refused to share his food with anyone, ever. Still, he didn't dwell on it too much, he didn't want to be giving himself any ideas. Not yet.

His plan on getting Stan to ignore Wendy was working perfectly and her bitching was, okay, annoying, but it meant that they were both falling into his trap.

Oh, did Cartman love to ruin things. Especially relationships.


	6. K2 - Camera

**For Kizi1999**

**note: i'm aiming to get everyone's request done, but if i don't, thanks anyway for the contribution!,**

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><p><strong>Pairing: K2<strong>

**Object: Camera**

"CHEEESE!"

The button on the camera was pushed down by Kyle, who was currently taking a numerous amount of photos of his friend, Kenny. The flash illuminated the blond's face, blinding him for a second. It was already pretty dark out, so the only light source they had were the street lamps that shone through the parking lot.

"Dude, come 'ere. Take one of us both." Kenny shook his hand, gesturing for the other to come closer. His words were slurring, due to the amount of alcohol that sunk in his system. Kyle trotted over to the blond and extended his hand out, so that the front of the camera was facing them. Kenny slung an arm round the redhead's shoulder and pushed his cheek up against his.

"Ready?"

"SMILE, KYLE!"

"I am!"

"NOT ENOUGH." Kenny took his free arm and jabbed his finger into Kyle's side, causing him to jolt and jump on the spot.

"Dude, stop!"  
>Kenny ignored him and continued to tickle the redhead's sides, all at different angles.<br>"Ken, I'm serious, stop!" Kyle couldn't be taken seriously with the eruptions of laughter he was making. He pushed the blond away from him - his camera still facing towards him. After a few more prods and pokes, Kenny eventually halted his movements and waited for Kyle to adjust.

"That's better." The blond nodded with a toothy grin.

"You done feeling me up?"

"I can't help it if my hands can't restrain themselves."

Kyle sniggered and shook his head. He was just about to have a look to see how the photo turned out, but Kenny grabbed it from him.

"Lets take one more, I swear I wont touch you inappropriately this time."

"You promise?" Kyle asked, not at all being serious.

"..No."  
>And with that, Kenny extended his arm and held his finger on the button. He posed in a very carefree manor, with his tongue poking out and wedged between his teeth along with a flirtatious wink to go with it. Meanwhile, Kyle was grinning wildly with the peace sign held above behind Kenny's head.<p>

The blond pushed down on the bottom and waited for the flash to beam. Nothing seemed to happen, so he pushed it down again. Still nothing. Kyle rolled his eyes as Kenny brought the camera back down. He faced the screen blankly, before realizing why it wouldn't take.

"Kyle, you retard, it was takin' a video!"


	7. Buttman - Swimming Pee

**For stylennybuttman**

**don't worry, I will get round to doing the previous requests! I just wanna give a range of pairings before I do pairings I've already done,,**  
><strong>other than that, merry christmas! spending it in america this year, which is totally awesome. been here for two weeks so far, just two more to go!<strong>

**this isn't christmas related.. in fact, it's the opposite, but ah well, hope it's not too shabby**

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><p><strong>Pairing: Buttman<strong>

**Object: Swimming pee**

"Butters, your hair looks totally gay when it's wet." Cartman shouted from the pool. It was summer and Token suggested for some of the guys to come round for a BBQ. It happened every year on the first week of summer vacation. It used to happen when they were kids, but as they started getting older, beer and poker games came into view as well as the pool and hot beverages.

"Yeah, you kinda look like Draco Malfoy." Kenny sniggered, punching the volleyball back to the other side.

"I do?"

"Totally. It's almost like you're albino."

"Dude, Cartman, shut up. Butters will you hurry up with my drink?" Clyde impatiently drummed his fingers on the poolside. Butters quickly uncapped the lid from the beer and scurried towards the pool, still dripping wet. He bent down and handed Clyde his refreshment, before sinking himself into the water.

"So what're we doing?" Cartman asked, rolling the ball in his palms.

"Three-a-side?" Kyle suggested, already hopping with Stan to the deeper end of the pool.

"Sure. Poorboy, you're with me and Clyde. They can have Butters."

Kenny scoffed at the brunette's command. "And why would I wanna do that?"

"Because I said so, that's why, ghetto boy."

"Dude, fuck you." He spun round and faced his other two friends. "Guys, I can see that you totally want me on y' team, so I'm with you."

"Yeah, Cartman's team can have Butters." Stan agreed as Kenny bumped fists with him.

"What?!"

"Sure, I don't mind being on his team!" The small blond smiled with delight and swam towards a scowling brunette. Clyde didn't seem that phased and told Cartman to get on with it. Though, that seemed to have caused some difficulty.

The first few rounds went with Cartman throwing insults at Clyde and Butters whenever they lost the point and passing the blame to whenever the fault was landed on him. Token, Tweek, Kevin and Craig sat from the side and observed the unfriendly game. It was when the score reached 8 points to 3, where Cartman had lost it.

"Butters, what the fuck, you stupid asshole! Are you mentally incapable of throwing a fucking ball or what?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't see that one com-"

"Are you trying to make us loose or something?!"

"What?! No, I wasn't trying to-"

"Because that's what it fucking looks like! You're such a fucking dweeb, Butters!"

"Chill out, Cartman. It's just a game, Christ." Stan spoke, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, don't rip on Butters, it's not his fault he's not that good." Kyle agreed, jumping onto the raven's back.

"Up yours, Kahl!"

"What are you whinin' about, fatass, he plays better than you." Kenny chuckled, pushing the volleyball onto his stomach, using it as a float. Cartman looked between the guys, knowing he was not going to win this. So instead, he decided to do something that he was sure would really piss them all off. "GODDAMMIT!" He yelled, before moving his way over Butters. The blond looked sceptic at first, but allowed the brunette to sling his arm around his shoulder.

"You know Butters.." He started, his voice almost too calm to what it was just a second ago. "You're right. I apologise. You really are a good player."

"..Thanks, Eric."

"No, no." He continued, glancing at the others. They all knew there had to be a catch somewhere. "Thank you."  
>There was a pause. Cartman's smirk had grown, obviously knowing something that no-one else did. Butters shifted his eyes uncomfortably, not knowing what the hell was going on. It took his a few seconds to process what the warm sensation in his leg actually was.<p>

"Wait.." He hesitantly looked down at the water, noticing how close Cartman was to him. "Ew, are you peeing?!"

"I'm congratulating you."

Another moment passed, before the others eventually caught on. A series of groans slowly filled the air, but the most disgusted one came from Kyle, who shrieked and jumped off Stan's back.

"FATASS, YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Jheez, Kahl, calm down." The brunette replied, shrugging off the disapproval.

"YOU TOOK A FUCKING PISS IN THE POOL, THAT'S FUCKING DIRTY!" The redhead was the first to jump out, cringing as he rubbed himself down with a towel.

"Dude.. that's seriously fucked up." Stan mumbled, pushing himself up onto the poolside.

"Gross."

"Shutup, Kenny, you totally do it too." Cartman retorted, his arm still flopped around a traumatised Butters.

"Yeah, but I don't tell anyone 'bout it!"

Cartman narrowed his eyes as he watched the blond also leave the pool. Clyde did the same, leaving Butters and Cartman the last ones left in the water. The smaller blond was trying to inch himself away from the pool, but the strong grip on his shoulders prevented him from doing so.

"What's wrong, Butters? Water a bit too warm for ya?"

The brunette's mouth twisted into another smirk, a new idea sparking in his mind. Before Butters could reply, Cartman grabbed the back of his neck and forcefully dunked his head into the water. The blond was only under there for about two seconds or so, but it was enough to make him squirm and panic, much to Cartman's intention. After laughing a little bit too hard, the brunette released his grasp on the poor boy and left him to scramble to the edge of the pool and clamber out.

"Burgers are ready!" Token announced, opening up the grill.

Clyde slung a towel around his neck, patting Butters on the back, "And it's about time too!"

These were the days of blissful summer.


	8. Crenny - Chocolate

**For MoeMoePinkNinja - a series of claps for requesting my favourite pairing;)**

**I've also noticed that the people who have read my other fic: -Message Received- have also checked this out, so thank you so much for that. I just think it's really cool that some of you have liked that fic so much, that you want to stay with me to see what I update next. means loooooooads to me**

**I'm not a very good writer anyway, but if there's anything you want me to check out, I'm more than happy to! It's the least I can do, right?**

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><p><strong>Pairing: Crenny<strong>

**Object: Chocolate**

On the outskirts of South Park, there led a set of abandoned train tracks. These tracks were only about a mile long, because the rest happened to be scrapped and sold a long time ago during the war times. Besides, there was no use for trains in South Park anymore. No one ever visited the unfortunate town anymore.  
>On these rusted tracks, led two boys. One familiar with orange, the other with blue. The colors they so happened to wear mixed with the evening sky, creating a mood of relaxation and tranquillity..<p>

"You're so fucking retarded."

"Insult me all you want, Tucker, but I'm telling you, I've done it before and it works like a treat."

"Well go on then. Show me."

"Fine, I will." Kenny stood up and shook his limbs. He deeply inhaled the drug that was wedged between his fingertips, before handing it hastily to Craig. He dropped to the floor and sunk his head into the dry grass. Refusing to exhale the fumes in his lungs, he threw his legs up, completing a near-perfect headstand. Craig casually took a drag from the shred joint, observing the blond's concentrated expression.

After around fifteen seconds, Kenny found his arms giving way and he collapsed forwards, almost kicking Craig in the face. The blond coughed and spluttered over the tracks, trying to control his wheezing. The raven watched Kenny control his coughing fit, un-fazed by the reaction the blond was having.

"Dude.." Kenny barked out another cough, turning his head towards Craig, "My fuckin' head. It feels..so.."

"Light?" He finished, monotonously.

The blond's face dissolved into a sheepish grin, "Man, I fuckin' love getting high."

Craig passed the drug back to Kenny, allowing him to finish it off. It was always sad when someone had to take the last few drags, because it meant that it was almost the end of a decent hang out. But it wasn't so bad, as they still had another rounds worth left.

"I'll start rolling the other." The raven muttered, already reaching for the stash in his pocket.

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><p>"..You know, I deserve a discount."<p>

"I never offa' discounts to my customers, Craig," Kenny flicked the last of the second joint onto the floor and rolled onto his back. "You know that."

"I know. But for one: I'm a regular. And two: whenever I fucking purchase, I always set with you."

"Yeah, and?"

The raven looked down at the figure next to him. "Well I'm only getting half of what I pay for, aren't I?"

Kenny looked at him half thoughtfully, knowing this was true. He was _totally_ ripping Craig off. "Ah, yes. But what you have to remember, is that I come with the package."

"I didn't ask for a package."

"I know, but it's inclusive. Gettin' high is never fun on your own."

Craig mentally agreed with the last comment. It was never nearly as fun as doing it with someone else. It's one of those situations, where you get to make illogical remarks and you both just sort of.. get it. You enjoy the company of sitting with the person you're getting high with, even if it's with someone you hate. Whereas, being on your own doesn't really have that same buzz.

It wasn't long before the well known munchies started to kick in. When this phase approached, Craig would always come prepared with what they both enjoyed most. Kenny found his strength to climb over the other side of one of the track and grab Craig's blue bag. He fished his hand through the large pocket and retrieved a bunch of goods. He made his way back to the raven and threw over a medium bag of M&Ms. Those were Craig's favourite, though that wasn't the case when he was sober.

"NO WAY, CRAIG, YOU GOT ME FUCKIN' MILKY WAY?!"

By now, the raven already had a mouthful of sweet candy and nodded slowly, finding it slightly difficult to multi-task the act of nodding and swallowing. He watched Kenny rip open the pack of four with his teeth and shove in the first bar he could get his hands on. His bright blue eyes instantly melted into the sensation of chocolate dissolving into his taste buds.

"This is like the nicest thing I've ever tasted in like forever." The blond's lids were softly shut, his words getting lost between eat chew.

"You're spacing."

"Space with me then. C'mon."

Craig glanced at the blond, before looking at the bag of M&Ms. He shook a group into his hand and slid himself onto his back. His head was spinning only slightly and his tongue was yearning for more delicious candy. He couldn't resist it any more, so threw the colorful bunch into his mouth. Instead of chewing straight away, he kept his jaw still and perceived the way the shells melted against the warmth of his tongue. His eyes fluttered closed and he continued to experience the feeling of wasting away.

It was a habit that they both enjoyed, no matter who criticized. It was one of many escapes that they used to get away from all the shit that both of their lives contained. And, of course, there was no better way to rid it, than getting high.


	9. Style - Pebble

**sorry about the late update. no excuse really, apart from being in hospital**

**this is for CAPTiViTY**

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><p><strong>Paring: Style<strong>

**Object: Pebble**

Kyle was in Stan's bedroom, digging through an overflowing draw that was filled with all sorts of useless belongings. As he was rummaging through, he picked out a small, red box. Inside, he found a rather odd looking object. He pinched it between his fingertips and brought it up closer to his eyes so he could see what it was. Acknowledging what the object was, he rolled his eyes and swung his arm backwards.

"Dude, what the fuck is this?"

Stan looked up from his phone to see what Kyle was complaining about this time. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look at what his friend was holding.  
>"Uh.. a pebble?"<p>

"A pebble." Kyle turned to look at his friend. "A goddam pebble, Stan!"

"..So?"

The redhead rolled his eyes. "It's things like this is the reason why your mom has to get me to come and help clear up your crap."

Stan shrugged, knowing he would feel so much better if everyone would just quit the whole _'Stan is a hoarder'_ thing. It wasn't _that_ big of a deal. Or so he believed.  
>Kyle sighed frustratingly, throwing the mineral into the pile of things to trash. The raven's eyes widened as he watched this action and shot up.<br>"Kyle, what the heck?!" He scolded, striding over to the pile. He dropped to his knees and immediately began scooping away the larger objects that were spread out amongst each other.

"Stan, it's a rock, you don't need it!" Kyle replied, resisting the urge to face palm.

"No, I do."

The redhead groaned at the other's protest. There was no need for this. "No, Stan. No, you don't."

"_Yes_, Kyle. _Yes_, I do." He emphasized, lifting up old books and pieces of paper. He eventually spotted the tiny rock and grabbed it with both hands.

"Why do you need it for?"

Stan cupped the tiny mineral in his palms, mentally appreciating the distant memories it could hold. In other words, Stan couldn't remember why it was in his possession in the first place.  
>He studied the soft face and tried to bring his mind back to why it was so significant to him. He <em>knew<em> it was important. He _knew_ he couldn't throw it away.. But he just couldn't figure out why.

"Stan."

The raven snapped out of his daze and brought his eyes to meet Kyle's. "Huh?"  
>The redhead sighed and rested his hands on his hips. "I said, why do you need it? Why can't it just go in the trash like the rest of this junk."<p>

Stan pushed aside the look of distaste Kyle's eyes held. "Because I need this."

"Yeah, why?"

"Because, I do, it's important."

"How is it important?"

"Because.." The raven paused. "because it holds really fond memories."

"Memories of what exactly?"

"Jesus, Kyle, it doesn't matter what!"

"Yes, it does!" Kyle protested, throwing his hands in mid-air. "If you can't remember why you have it, why keep it?!"

"Because I need it!"

The redhead threw his head back and groaned in a very frustrating manor. He was tired of his friend's bitching and just really wanted him to get rid of all of his stuff. Kyle had had enough. Stan had it coming, it was only a matter of time before Kyle would snap. That's right, he was going into full lecture mode.

"Goddammit, Stan! I'm sick and tired of this stupid obsession you have with inanimate objects! I come round here every three months to help you sort this out, yet you make it extremely difficult for me to proceed in helping you! I understand that this is a serious condition and it stresses you out, but have you ever thought about how it makes me feel? I feel bad for you, I really do, but if you-" He was unfortunately cut off by a shriek of joy.

"That's it!" Stan's eyebrows rose and he hopped on the spot a few times. "I remember now!"

Kyle blinked at his friend, only slightly annoyed that Stan probably hadn't listened to a thing he just said. Stan continued, "You remember back in Freshman year, where we both went on family vacation?"

The redhead nodded slowly, the memory still fresh in his mind.

"Well you know the day we skipped out on our parents and headed to the beach where it was all cold and shit?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember. Mom went crazy when she found out we left Ike by himself."

"Yeah, I know. But apart from the whole thing with your mom, for me, that was the best day of the year."

Kyle glanced down at the pebble held protectively in Stan's palm. "So.. you picked a rock to resemble that day?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Even though you had no clue what it was five minutes ago."

"Yeah."

"Stan, You're.." Kyle sighed, pushing his frustration to the side. Even though the two were super best friends, he couldn't help but wish he could understand the logic of how Stan's mind worked sometimes. "Unbelievable."

The raven grinned and handed the belonging back to his friend, before collapsing onto the bed. "Just shove it in the draw to the left when you're done, thanks."

"Oh, no. No, don't you dare sit back down. You're helping me clean this shit up, so get your ass up, before I kick it!"

"But, Kyle, you know I can't! I have-"

"No!" Kyle cut in, pointing an accusing finger at his raven friend, "Don't give me all that 'I can't handle all this, it gives me anxiety' crap, you're only using it as an excuse to get me to clean your room for you!"

"But, Kyle-"

"If you complain one more time, I'm leaving."

"But-"

"That's it." Kyle turning on his heal was enough for Stan to shoot up from the mattress and grab the redhead's forearm. "Okay, okay! I'll help,"

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><p><strong>lame ending, didn't like how i ended this, but thanks for the comments!<strong>


	10. Stenny - Guitar

**For Guest**  
><strong>loads of dialogue in this, but i guess variety is good, right?<strong>

**btw, i only ended it like this, because i couldn't think of what to write after haha. will probably add to it when i'm thinking more creative**

**like i said, will try and get round to all pairings, just tryna get different ones out the way for variety**

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><p><strong>Pairing: Stenny<strong>

**Object: Guitar**

"No, Kenny, 'Kenny McCormick is a motherfucking sexy beast and whoever disagrees should burn in hell' is not a song."

"I'm pretty sure it is, dude."

"It's not."

"It should be."

"Come on, give me another one to play."

Kenny was beginning to get slightly dizzy in the blue desk chair he was currently swirling around in. Stan observed his blond friend from the bed where he had his acoustic placed perfectly between his arms. "Uh.." Kenny looked up thoughtfully. "Play the Star Wars soundtrack."

"Dammit, Kenny."

The blond chuckled and threw his hands behind his head, interlocking his fingers. "What? That shit's intense, I'm telling ya."

"You'd make the worst DJ, dude."

"The worst DJ?!" Kenny repeated, not believing the statement at all. "Stan, I'd be the best motherfuckin' DJ there ever was!"

The onyx scoffed, the pleasant sounds of distant chords being strummed through the atmosphere. "Oh yeah? Give me the top 5 songs you'd play first then."

"Hm." The blond reflected for a moment and thought very hard about his decision. "Kay, so first, I'd play Sexy And I Know It, only to remind everyone who the real DJ is."

"Right, okay." Stan couldn't help but grin. He, along with everyone else, knew that Kenny adored that song. It was like it was designed specifically for him. The reason the song was still in fashion, was because the blond would have it playing at the start of lunch everyday.

"Then, I'd have the Back To The Future theme tune, because Marty Mcfly is pure ace." Kenny made the statement clear by making the familiar hand gesture - finger and thumb pressed together. "Uh, then I'd have the Star Wars theme tune, just to add a lil' suspense to all the grindin' and shit."

"How the fuck is the Star Wars theme tune suspensive?" Stan questioned, fiddling with his guitar capo.

"And then I'd have Sex On Fire, 'cause the song makes everyone happy and horny,"

The strumming of random chords continued to play.

"And then I'd have the theme tune to Jaws, because by now everyone's high off my amazing smexyness and brilliant DJing skills."

"Christ."

"And then, for my last song, I'd have the sound of people masturbating."

"Let me guess, because you've turned them on so much by using lame ass soundtracks?"

Kenny halted the chair's movements and stood up. "The sound of people masturbating is the most beautiful piece of art anyone can have the privilege of hearing, Stan. You should know that by now."

"Of course it is, Ken."

The blond joined his friend on the bed and sat opposite, facing him. There was a couple of peaceful moments where none of them said anything to each other and left the blissful sound of Stan's picking of the strings fill the air. It was a soft sound. Not too loud, nor too quiet. Stan had only picked up this wooden beauty at a yard sale two years ago. He was a quick learner and was quiet the talent once he managed to get the hang of switching to different chords.

Kenny loved to listen. He really wished Stan would make a band or something, but when it came down to it, football was his passion. Playing guitar was just a hobby. The blond even considered taking up the instrument himself, but he simply didn't have the patience. He could only just about sing and that was good enough for him.

"I don't care what Cartman says, you look dam good with that guitar."

"Dude, shut up." A faint blush appeared across the raven's cheeks. Kenny noticed this and decided to take it a little bit further.

"You know what would look even better?"

As soon as Stan opened his mouth, he instantly regretted asking, "What?"

"If you were naked."

The boy in blue froze for a second, but quickly brushed off the flirtatious behaviour and rolled his eyes. "Nice try, Kenny, but I'm not stripping for you."

"No, I'm totally serious! You could be one those chicks that sit on stage wearing nothin' but a pair of gold heels. You'd be rockin' out to the good ol' western country music, having sweaty hunky guys throwing dollar bills at'chya."

Stan's hands halted their movements and he gave his friend a narrowed eyed look. "Dude, don't compare me to your mom."

"Hey!" Kenny shoved his friend playfully, though it wasn't hard enough to make him move anywhere.


End file.
